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about smartcookie

i write about what goes on in my life. i write about things i think are funny. i write nonsense. i write about bodily functions.

i have a boyfriend/husband named nathan who loves video games. we get along great. about 7% of the time. any percentage greater is purely a curious statistical anomaly.
aww i love nate!

and as our story progresses, you may wonder who i'm talking about.

aside from courageous nathan, our main characters include:
oh. and i teach dance and like accounting. the end.

people i read

oh joy
seth godin
not martha
ikea hacker
ad goodness
oh happy day
design sponge
steamy kitchen
a softer world
the superficial
go fug yourself
marmaduke explained

January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
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August 2007
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November 2007
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January 2008
February 2008
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November 2008
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October 2009
July 2012
counter statistics

Monday, January 30, 2006
the opposite sides of caitlyn always add up to seven.

so did i mention the flood?

now before you get all noah and the ark on me, let me explain.
sunday (which would be yesterday), jewremy and i were watching a movie and kept hearing a dripping noise in the background. my first thought was that ben was urinating on the carpet, and jeremy assumed ben had hung up his wet laundry in the bathroom or something, so we didnt look until the movie was over. and BOY did we get a shock when we turned our eyes from The Rock.

basically there is this stupid asshole--i mean, nice boy-- who lives in an apartment above ours and "always flushes cotton balls and Q-tips* down the toilet", says his roommate. so finally, the toilet had
enough and erupted around 4:27pm eastern standard time.

here they are just staring at the leaky ceiling while i run around grabbing pots and pans. notice the water dripping out of the intercom!

when we called the main office, they sent some guy to fix it (lets call him 'douche' for story purposes) and douche went upstairs, flushed the toilet in question and pronounced it fixed. and then left.
meanwhile, his asinine action made the water start pouring from light fixtures and sprinklers in our apartment! - see below

to make a long story short, our main office supervisor called and chewed out (which, hohl, is NOT the same thing as eating someone out!) douche and he returned and now we live happily ever after with the lovely wafting smell of urine/mold.

*Q-TIPS?! really, what the fk is wrong with you?! were you not raised by a caring family? or are you the person who nate's grandma accuses of flushing those little paper cups, too!?

Cait* 10:49 PM link it! 0 comments

Thursday, January 26, 2006

so remember that sign i was talking about?


the piano sign. you know, the one-- well in any case i took a picture of the sign this time so that you can see it actually is semi-amusing and not just lame as the post (6?) days ago seemed.

Please.  NO PIANO

i particularly enjoy the "Respect Others!" part. it reminds me of someone saying in a Mr. T-like accent "respect yourself! don't play no piano, foo'"

Cait* 9:21 PM link it! 0 comments

Wednesday, January 25, 2006
drawing contests!

the other night, nate, ben and i were bored because dad-- i mean jeremy, was still at the office. so i called for a drawing contest! the subject: jeremy!

some people might consider our drawings moderatly to very offensive, so you will have to click on each picture if you want to see it in its full glory. and may i remind you that when we refer to jeremy as 'jew', we say it as an endearing term and.. well if i try to explain away all the horrific images nate drew, i'd be here all day.

let the judging commence!
1. Ben's entry, "Jeremy Domesticated"

2. Cait's Masterpiece

3. Nate's... uh.. drawing?

Cait* 11:25 AM link it! 0 comments

Monday, January 23, 2006
butter yourself up!

if you recall the "rotting butter sludge (with mystery sprinkles!)"
from my previous entry, then you can appreciate that it has now
sprouted legs and pops up in unexpected places! there's a few
pictures - sorry its a bad entry, but read on for some butterific
fun (yeah, lame i know..)

dirty butter

well, the first place that the butter "popped up" so to speak was the
kitchen cabinet. now while this new location prevents the mystery
sprinkles from appearing, butter and glasses are not in the same

location one

so after surprising numerous apartment friends, mr. butter-sludge
(bludge?) crawled out of his cave and wandered onto new surroundings..

location 2;
as part of the wall bracket decor.

and below we see nathan politely suggesting a new home for sludgety butter:

location number three;
you can almost hear the sarcasm coming out of his mouth. it's almost
like he's saying, "what about THIS big white BOX? what an
original place for the butter plate?!"


Cait* 10:18 PM link it! 0 comments

encouraging the sorting of garbage by shape...

Originally uploaded by cait4328.

Cait* 11:03 AM link it! 0 comments

Friday, January 20, 2006
roommate relations

and you said boys didn't have any "drama".

so let's just say, hypothetically, that there's this apartment. and for some reason, some of the inhabitants (who shall be called just that, because they do not act like people, but instead like crazy creatures trapped in a cage who spear their own feces around their--whoa, i'm getting ahead of myself here.. let me continue the hypothesis)

anyway, for some reason, the inhabitants like to create little piles--science experiments, really--around the kitchen. for instance, this morning i threw out a compost experiment and later this afternoon there was an experiment in architecture sprouting out of the sink. nate-- i mean, one of the hypothetical inhabitants, said its like we're all setting up for a grand infestation. and the buffet has been laid out.

well, one of these inhabitants (we'll call him Psycho) came home with his girlfriend today and apparently one of Psycho's roommates had become angry that aforementioned girlfriend thew out his beginner's compost pile, so he created a new one, complete with apple core and peelings. this accompanied with the rotting butter sludge (with mystery sprinkles!), overflowing garbage and empty cabinets may have sent poor little Psycho over the top.

so consider this a public service announcement that supplements Psycho's not so subtle PSA. the garbage all over the kitchen floor and the sarcastic sign (see below) proclaiming "throw shit everywhere! infestation is fun!" is merely a polite request to clean up your mess.


Cait* 11:55 PM link it! 0 comments

Thursday, January 19, 2006
the audition

in*ev*it*a*ble: a perfectly executed triple pirouette (on the left!!) followed by drawing a blank for the rest of the combination.

Cait* 7:36 PM link it! 0 comments

Tuesday, January 17, 2006
first day of school!

first day of school passed uneventful. sweet mother of buffalo greeted us with typical b-lo* style weather, dreary, cold and mostly damp. we did miss out on the wind, although i don't think anyone was complaining.

the best part of my day, however, was upon returning to my lovely dorm when i saw this sign:
"BE COURTEOUS of others
when playing the PIANO."
the sign went on to remind piano users (pianists**) of quiet hours and other stupid dorm nonsense. i just found the whole sign amusing. i can't imagine this sign being found in any other dorm other then perhaps like a music college (Crane, Oberlin, Bard, Berklee, etc.) where i'm sure these sort of signs occur with a non-parallelled frequency. "NO SINGING IN THE SHOWER BEFORE 10am" "TUBA-ING PROHIBITED IN THIS LOUNGE" etc. but in buffalo? nah.

although i would like to thank whoever plays their saxophone one building over to only want to practice like twice a semester. although you might get better if you practiced more, i would prefer not to hear the process.

*whenever i type b-lo, i can't escape thinking of the other consenant-lo variations, the most obvious and most comprehensive being j-lo. a-lo is reminiscant of the UK when said aloud, and now that i think of it, not too many other consenants really mean a whole lot. in fact, x-lo is the only other one i sort of like because it's like all of these variations thrown together in a pornographic fashion. say, 'maid in manhattan' meets 'debbie does dallas' in a enjoyable british romp.."lopez does london"?


Cait* 3:40 PM link it! 0 comments

Friday, January 13, 2006
and all the girlies say..

whoaitscait: i never did give you your orange christmas hat
H0CKEyG0D: well give it to me baby
H0CKEyG0D: on hon, on hon

on hon indeed. or should it be on ron? my orange hat would look terribly good on 'ron (cameron's nickname in case you didn't know), but really.. if you're going to quote offspring, at least sing it right.

Cait* 1:16 AM link it! 0 comments

Tuesday, January 10, 2006
horse vagina.

so happy new year and all that stuff since i never did get around to writing it.

my new year's resolutions, you ask? (or didn't ask/care about/stfu, cait) well, now that i've written that, i'm not exactly sure. i guess i'd like to say i actually thought about bettering myself, but the truth is i don't really go for the resolution thing. it's only because i'd be setting myself up for failure. let's face it, i LIVE above the gym and have not set foot in it once this year. new year's resolutions are just asking for a little bit too much.

i did have an horrible daydream today. well it was more like a day-nightmare if that's possible. a daymare? that sounds like some kind of electronics brand. anyway! my day-dream-nightmare. i was thinking about dance recital themes (for instance this year our theme is 'world of dance', so the songs must relate to countries around the world). and i was thinking what kinds of dances would be in a 'current events/news' theme and all of a sudden i had this terrible image of a hurricane dance. (i know - i'm a heartless, inhumane b*tch! who thinks of these things!!)

the soloist would be dressed as a large cyclone with her mini-hurricane danc-- well maybe i should just show you:
hurricanve dance

its awful i know. maybe its because i just saw the producers and was inspired (hah!) by their springtime for hitler. who knows?!

oh, and on a good note, that horse vagina sold for $225.50.

Cait* 12:08 AM link it! 0 comments

Monday, January 09, 2006
the v-word waaay too many times

ok well after i searched penis, i realized, hey it's a new year! why not search vagina too! ohh how naive of me. i expect things like old VHS copies of the vagina monologues, but instead i get THIS.

an artifical. vagina.


and the seller will apparently "through in a new baby bottle".

WTF!?!? my mouth hung open for about 5 minutes as i scrolled down in horror. 18 bids! now is this for another horse? ahh. 2006 is apparently the year my journal got x-rated. sorry to all you PG-13 readers. crazy canadians. well at least the seller "never got a chance to use it". good lord.

and then as if it were a bad accident, through horror-filled eyes, i went back to the vagina-searched list. and found THIS. subliminal vagina tightening CDs. with a unicorn on the cover. oh unicorns, have you sunk so low that you must represent wide-set vaginal women?

well if you are misfortunate to have a wide-set vagina (wow, this entry will forever be the most i utter the word vagina --there! again!), take this woman from virginia's advice: "I am ordering 2 for my friends at the office! The cd’s work on both my Windows & Mac operating system computers."

or roger's: "I am ordering more of your Subliminal CD’s for my 3 brothers. They will love them!"

Cait* 11:54 PM link it! 0 comments

i can't deny it

so browsing eBay, i found this little gem.

good thing i haven't gotten nate anything for xmas yet.. it'll be a perfect fit! especially the "lovely twisted patterning in nice soft earthy colours"--they really do it for me.

and yes, i was searching items under 'penis'. you caught me.

Cait* 11:53 PM link it! 0 comments