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about smartcookie

i write about what goes on in my life. i write about things i think are funny. i write nonsense. i write about bodily functions.

i have a boyfriend/husband named nathan who loves video games. we get along great. about 7% of the time. any percentage greater is purely a curious statistical anomaly.
aww i love nate!

and as our story progresses, you may wonder who i'm talking about.

aside from courageous nathan, our main characters include:
oh. and i teach dance and like accounting. the end.

people i read

oh joy
seth godin
not martha
ikea hacker
ad goodness
oh happy day
design sponge
steamy kitchen
a softer world
the superficial
go fug yourself
marmaduke explained

January 2006
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counter statistics

Monday, June 26, 2006

so after a night filled with the weirdest things that have happened all summer, these are the only pictures i get out of the deal:

apparently fire is the only thing i thought was cool.

mudpit? no.
ben alone in the mudpit? no.
12-year old girls in the mudpit? no.
redneck convicted for train robbery named 'big jim'? girls fighting tooth and claw over a boy? ben's grandma hosing the girls off? some kid running through the fire? the cops? big jim picking a fight with hohl? joel burning his face with a firework?

no. no. no. no. no. and no

Cait* 7:24 PM link it! 0 comments

Friday, June 23, 2006
but anyway

so yesterday i went to my first thursday in the square. and what an experience it was! (how's that for a cliche opening line?)

well i went with H from work and her friends and then met up with nate, hohl, hohl's freshman friend, and subsequently*, scott (who we really only saw for 10 minutes or so), rob, t-hom and t-hom's sister.

the weirdest part of the night was all the weird people i saw that i knew, most notably a woman who i work with (well she works a few rows over and i don't actually know her name). H and i have talked about this woman because neither of us have ANY idea what she does all day. no clue. she goes into the bathroom alot and to the water cooler (maybe the former is a result of the latter). anyway, i saw her there, rocking out to blues traveler and it was just awkward.

the best part of the night was when this REALLY large man (we think seneca indian, not that it matters, but just so you can have a better visual than my artistic majesty (autistic travesty?) below) kissed nate as a "relay kiss" to me for handing him his beer. then i tried to kiss the big man back through a relay kiss to nate, but nate wouldn't kiss him. now this man had about two minutes earlier said in a weirdy cheerful voice to some guy who was being an ass, "look man, if you don't stop talking i'm gonna punch you. an' when i punch you, you're nose is gonna go up in your brain an' you're gonna die."

BIG KAHUNA: "what?! do you think kissing a man on the lips means you're homosexual?"
NATE: (not sure of the right answer) "uhhh..."
BK: "i once sucked beer outta another man's mouth!"
N: "wow, that's real--"
BK: (not listening and getting louder) "i once sucked beer outta another man's shoe! RIGHT AFTER HE P*SSED IN IT!!! HOW'S THAT FOR DESPERATE??!!"
N: "-------------"

*subsequent is a word that i re-discovered at work and subsequently use too much. especially in reports (ie: subsequent to the audit finding, John produced evidence of...). you just wait, you'll be using it to subsequent to reading my post.

Cait* 7:10 PM link it! 0 comments

Monday, June 19, 2006
mystery pooper

ok so at He who-Shan't-Be-Called (work), we have a fun new thriller.. the mystery pooper!

so as we all know, or as no one knows because i never update, my desk location at work is apropos to my title of 'intern'. i sit at the fringe of the business area, at the farthest distance from the window. however, the best (or worst) perk my desk has is that i sit directly next to the women's bathroom entrance (see wonderfully accurate drawing below).

so yeah that pink star is my desk and since i haven't exactly had a lot of work (read: nothing to do) lately, i've been having water-drinking contests with H (the other intern) and winning the contest just leads to a sense of urgency down below instead of a sense of victory. so what i'm trying to get at is that i pee alot.

what i'm really trying to get at is that lately, in the mornings and afternoons, there has been a closed stall from which no noise emerges from the moment i swing open the door until the moment i shut it. just some lady (hopefully) sitting there doing her business.*

until yesterday.

yesterday there was a distinct 'PLOP' followed by a faint gasp of post-plop embarrassment. the mystery pooper.

now you'd think that with my convienent ladies room locale, i'd have the mystery pooper all scoped** out. somehow, everytime they exit the bathroom, i'm doing work or not at my desk and i miss my opportunity to expose the m.p. but i will find out who you are, m.pooper. maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but certainly someday i will have the nerve to peek below the stall*** at your shoes and your secret will be out!

*doing her business in a business suit!! tee hee
**scooped! ahh the poop puns never end!
***does the fact that i'm admitting to wanting to look under a stall make me a lesbian? or just nosy? speaking of that, i have a story for next time. remind me.

Cait* 6:28 PM link it! 0 comments

Tuesday, June 06, 2006
last few days, in pictures


Cait* 9:47 PM link it! 0 comments

give me anti-corporate life

yaaaa so i am officially sick of the 9-5 life*. give me back my make-my-own-hours at the dance studio. give me back my house with free food and pool. give me back my natha-- oh wait, i have that now. so i guess its not so bad.

*its actually 8:30-5, although add in the transit time and we get 7:45-5:45.

but anyway, i work on the 16th floor which is cool, but not that cool cause i guess they had a fire drill the day before i got there and my new friend said it took them TWO HOURS to get out of the building. if the building's on fire, i do not want to spend two hours burning in the stairwell. why do you think there are drills, people? i would hate to be on the 30th floor.

Cait* 9:31 PM link it! 0 comments