Wednesday, July 26, 2006
rickle my pickle
so i have this tendency to "web surf" and if i must use a metaphor (which we all know i'm very fond of and sooo great at creating new ones), i would say that i have an even bigger tendency to web surf the cesspools of the internet.
because i find sites like "shortsupport.org". now what's funny/pathethic about finding that? not that much. maybe because i'm short. no. what's pathetic is that i take the time to fully explore the site until i come up with this page:http://www.shortsupport.org/TheMedia/commercials/burgerking-summers.html
where some idiot (most likely a 5 foot idiot) says that a 10-second burger king commercial is "heightist". yeah. thats a legitimate word (according to this website). and i quote, "Was he fired because of poor job performance? No. Did the other employees guess numbers that were higher or lower than the short man's guess? No. In fact, they didn't even get a chance. It is obvious that the short man was fired because of his height."
WHAT?! ok, so then it goes on and gets all snarky..
"Does anybody care? Burger King certainly doesn't. Apparently, Burger King thinks that discrimination is funny. Well, not ALL discrimination - just discrimination against short men."
if i were burger king, i would get all corporate on them and sue them for ridiculousness (or re-rickulousness, as my friend rick from work would say).
10:40 PM link it!
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
laughing suspiciously at my desk
"If you don't brush your teeth right now, they will all fall out, and when you wake up Elmo will be dead." dooce
"As for the Sternum of Doom... what meteor carved that crater? Did her pact with the devil go bad? Did Simon Cowell carve it out with a spoon? Did it sacrifice itself to become a chin or cheek implant? Did a nearby stripper accidentally ding her by sneezing while launching a ping-pong missile out of her nether region? Did she have herself turned into a human shot-glass, the better for mischief in Cancun?" - gofugyourself
describing Paula Abdul's chest
Boss talking to client and client's son in front office: So this is your youngest boy, isn't it? I've met him before.
Client: Uh... I don't think you have.
Boss: Yeah, I'm sure I have.... He's Down's Syndrome, isn't he?
- Overheard in the Office
9:17 PM link it!
Sunday, July 23, 2006
10:56 PM link it!
6:43 PM link it!
soundtrack to my life
i was doing my nutrition paper.. and then "researching" and you know how it goes.. somehow i got onto doing this dumb quiz:
DUMB MUSIC QUIZ THAT'S ACTUALLY PRETTY FUN (when compared to nutrition paper)
Put your music player on shuffle and...you know the rest.
1) Opening Credits: He Woke Me Up Again - Sufjan Stevens (appropriate)
2) Waking Up: Burn One Down - Ben Harper (haha - so iTunes thinks i'm a big stoner)
3) An Ordinary Day: Mushaboom - Feist (i love her!)
4) The First Date: Friend is a Four Letter Word - Cake (that's kind of depressing)
5) Falling in Love: She's a Rebel - Green Day (hah)
6) The Rumble: Breaking the Girl - Red Hot Chili Peppers (doesn't look good for me)
7) The Break-up: Be My Escape - Relient K
8) Getting Back Together: Dock of the Bay - Otis Redding (ok.. maybe I could see that)
9) Life's Okay: Jeremy - Pearl Jam
10) The Mental Breakdown: Portions for Foxes - Rilo Kiley
11) The Flashback: Strong Enough - Sheryl Crow (ironic)
12) The Frat Party: Sweet Caroline - Neil Diamond (touching meeeee... touching you.. SWEET CAROLINE!)
13) Everybody Dance Now: Some Days You Gotta Dance - Dixie Chicks (hah - ironic)
12) Regretting: This Modern Love - Bloc Party
13) The Long Night Alone: Glory Box - Portishead (another appropriate)
14) A Death: Bom Bom Bom - Livin' Things (I must die in an exciting way!)
15) End Credits: Shiver - Coldplay (not bad)
so, not bad - pretty random, but a great waste of 10 minutes!!
12:00 PM link it!
Thursday, July 20, 2006
giving you a number..
so after a journal vacation, i'm like a AA member back on the booze (and don't my triple-awesome phrases (such as triple-awesome) just make you want to throw u-- throw your hands up in the air and wave them around in a rhythmic pattern?!?!?!) and have to post like 195,353,458 entries in one day. hurrah.
SUPER SCOOPER SLUETHS
i remembered that i needed to tell you that i solved the mystery of the mystery pooper at Holy Sh*t Brainless Coworkers place! aren't you so proud?! H and i had to do a super top secret stakeout mission (which is incredibly hard since we're located directly across from the ladies room and all it would take is someone observant enough). and it turns out to be the lady that we have no idea what she does. in one day, she got up from her seat to do mysterious things (job-related?) 14 times, received calls on her cell phone 8 times and left the floor (not counting lunch) 4 times. what does she do?! maybe she's a spy.
SECRET ASIAN MAN!!
i think today was one of my favorite days at work because:
1. i got to go to the plush executive floor and do audity things and roam around looking important
2. i had lunch today with jewremy and his 2 other newspapery people that he works with*
3. that lunch included raspberry iced tea and a chicken caesar wrap
4. i didn't fall asleep on the metro EITHER way
5. i got to wear my newly shined shoes (we have a Shoe Shiner in our building! and he shined my shoes! so shiny!)
*one of them was from arizona. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, KID?! BUFFALO over arizona?! "the buffalo news is actually a really good paper" yeah RIGHT.
9:00 PM link it!
yeah.. so remember that time when i had this journal thing that i updated regularly?
without making this entry horribly long and boring, i have to think of a way to tell you all that's happened since i last updated on.. when was it.. JUL-- no, not even july-- JUNE 26th!! last you knew, i was watching nate grill himself on a giant fire pit. so while i can vouch that a lot of time has gone by, i can not vouch* that a lot has happened.
a) i still go to work 8-5 (4:30 lately)
b) i am still in buffalo for the summer (til august 11th)
c) my personal life is about as erratic as your great aunt's (and since that is possibly the worst simile i've ever made, i mean that i have no exciting or changing personal life. or life whatsoever)
* my aunt works all day processing vouchers. i think i would hate doing that. i'm pretty sure she hates doing that. vouch this, vouch that. is grouch the only word that rhym-- no couch is. and pouch. and slouch. and crouch (is that how you spell that??). so my aunt grouchily slouch-crouches on her couch while vouching pouches. OUCH!
SO. where does that leave you and me? in this weird sort of post-unsaid-breakup mode? you're unsure you really want to get involved again, and i'm so eager for you to take me back, i'm practically begging.. yet that just makes you want to run away even more... ok i'm going to quit while i'm ahead. or behind. or whatev-fk it.
on another side note - i absolutely love the song 'naive' by the kooks - i just found it and i can't stop listening. but since my music taste is about the same as my taste in boys (nate, that means the BEST EVER!!! <3<3<3)... you might just ignore my lunatical raving about this awesome song.
8:45 PM link it!