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about smartcookie

i write about what goes on in my life. i write about things i think are funny. i write nonsense. i write about bodily functions.

i have a boyfriend/husband named nathan who loves video games. we get along great. about 7% of the time. any percentage greater is purely a curious statistical anomaly.
aww i love nate!

and as our story progresses, you may wonder who i'm talking about.

aside from courageous nathan, our main characters include:
oh. and i teach dance and like accounting. the end.

people i read

oh joy
seth godin
not martha
ikea hacker
ad goodness
oh happy day
design sponge
steamy kitchen
a softer world
the superficial
go fug yourself
marmaduke explained

January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
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November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
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January 2008
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October 2009
July 2012
counter statistics

Thursday, February 23, 2006
poor carl is going to explode

here is an email i sent to my dad yesterday.. which sounds more like a Dear Abby letter than a daddy dearest:

to: sales manager extrodinaire
from: your daughter
subject: hello on wednesday

"and the Civic Saga continues...

so in addition to the weird thumping noise the wheels are making when i turn (now determined to be the back wheels only), my car is now LEAKING GASOLINE. here are the facts:

1. after filling it up last week, the gas gauge is at a little above half and i've going 47 miles (one tank usually lasts 260-300 miles depending on highways etc)

2. it smells like gas outside the car

3. there were two puddles underneath the car - a friend said it looks like there's only one leak but the drip is hitting something and running down a pipe and dripping there too. the main puddle was about midway in the car (laterally and vertically)

4. tonight when i drove back* from dance, i got out of the car and it smelled strongly near the actual gas filler-hole (cap? - can't think of the word) and i got on my knees to look under the car. using my flashlight keychain, the only thing i could see that was abnormal (not sure if it really is abnormal) was there is a "tank" looking thing 1 foot in from the side of the car that looked like it was wet on half of it. Is this the gas tank? would it get wet just from driving around through a puddle? could this be gas? am i going to blow up if i start my car? what should i do?"

Love Cait

Cait* 10:36 PM link it! 0 comments

embarrassing moment as usual

ahh this week has been crazy! but i'll give you a little anecdote to keep you posted...

so today i was in the ladies bathroom in jacobs, the school of management building, where everyone is wearing "business casual" (unless you had an interview earlier in the day.. then its a full on suit) and everyone's talking about internships and careers and interviews and resumes--basically hell.


i went in the W.C.* and entered the stall (yes, this is disgustingly graphic) and realized some incompetant janitorial staff member failed to secure the toilet paper to the actual roll-rod thing. Instead, it was stacked 2 rolls high (and 200 ply! ha!) on top of the loose TP holder. in my attempt to return order to the world of jacobs' lavatories, i knocked off BOTH rolls and they went cascading to the floor!

i tried to grab them with my foot to no avail and one rolled out into the sink area and i'm pretty sure it was a direct hit on whomever was washing their hands' business formal shoe. i am a disaster. then i went to accounting.

* pronounced: "DOOBLA-VAY SAY!"

business casual toilet paper attire

Cait* 10:27 PM link it! 0 comments

Friday, February 17, 2006
i take it all back

whoa its cait (3:13:05 PM): oh you're thinking out loud?
whoa its cait (3:13:12 PM): or telling me your decision?
carnuck (3:13:20 PM): thinking out loud
whoa its cait (3:13:22 PM): cause thinking out loud is pretty dumb on IM
canuck (3:13:26 PM): ugh
canuck : so is talking to you

did i mention the fork fight?

Cait* 3:31 PM link it! 0 comments

Tuesday, February 14, 2006
happy valentine's day

canuck: cait
canuck: i'm so bad at valentines day
whoa its cait: ?
whoa its cait: well you did yell at me
whoa its cait: and you said you hate me like 6 times so far
whoa its cait: and called me a bitch twice
whoa its cait: so maybe
canuck: i did nnot do the bitch thing
canuck: and the hate was a joke
canuck: and the yelling was justified
canuck: but i still cant get enough of you

nate and i fifteen years ago
(don't believe me? go here)

Cait* 10:28 PM link it! 0 comments

Friday, February 10, 2006

today, in response to a crossword clue of "Hoover's handle":

"oh no, i have a DIRT devil! SHIT!"

maybe its because [unknown person]'s mom gave [him/her] this t-shirt:

see what alcohol can do to you, Gaston?! why won't you stop!? THINK OF THE KIDS, GASTON, THE KIDS!!

Cait* 1:49 AM link it! 0 comments

Monday, February 06, 2006
to liver to die?

new instant classics! the latest masterpiece:
said after watching "the 6th day"* in which arnold schwarzenegger gets cloned...

"i hope in the future they can clone me a new liver"

* you know what i hate about movies? i hate how all these movies have the actors "meet themselves". oh wait.. that's just movies that ole arnie is in. (yes, i shortened his name. its not a crime. i couldn't decide between that and nold-negger so just be happy i used arnie.) proof: "last action hero" where he comes out of a movie to find--who else?--HIMSELF?! i have no tolerance for these sort of things.

MAN ON RIGHT: hurry, a-nug, let's get you to the worst scene of this movie STAT!
A.S.: eughh?
M.O.R.: yes! its necessary for you to have a dialogue
with YOURSELF (monologue?).
A.S.: eughh?
M.O.R.: you know, the scene that makes me wish i had a small rodent gnawing my balls off to distract me from your horrible acting.
wiggles eyebrow in disgust

Cait* 5:16 PM link it! 0 comments

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

so last night the 'bf'* was begging to go to bed early so that he could get more than 3 hours sleep so i complied and was bedded when lo and behold, he's not ready. so to bide my time i innocently looked up some ringtones until i found the correct one. with the push of a button i lured nathan back into the room with the electronic beeps of "i want it that way".

"TRACK TWO ON THE MILLENIUM CD!" he shouted with authority as he ran into the room,
crooning the lyrics (as masculinely as possible, of course).

who knew that my innocent ringtone search would spawn an hour and a half karaoke battle of songs that spanned from age 10-16? we sang ace of base, shawn colvin, will smith (oh, willenium), n*sync, spin doctors, city high, outkast, eagle eye cherry, savage garden (chica-cherry cola!), fastball, gin blossoms, no doubt, christina aguilera, sugar ray, TLC!, the wallflowers, britney, coolio and so many more classics until it was 2am. we determined that if there was ever a 90's music trivia jeopardy, nate would go all the way to the finals. and then some.

who knew that between nate and i, we can sing every lyric of hanson's 'middle of nowhere' cd** INCLUDING the hidden tracks?! or that we both thought taylor hanson was a girl?

and no, it didnt stop there!! soon jewremy came home from the spectrum office and ben and him came in and joined in the discussion.. then i fatefully said, "remember that being completely terrified of the movie 'all dogs go to heaven'" and the rest of the 90s was no longer safe from our reminiscing.

+ nate watched (and liked) the cartoon "cowboys of moo-masa"
+ ben owned a glow-worm, nate owned TWO glow worms, one which belonged to his younger brother
+ i was the only one out of everyone in the apartment who has not seen 'ferngully'
+ nate owned TLC's SECOND cd (no not the "waterfalls" one. yes. the "unpretty" one.)
+ ben stole nate's spice girls cd "back in the day"
+ nate and ben both know all the words to "2 become 1" by the aforementioned spice girls
+ being jewish means you were deprived of all the things that made our childhood great

*OMG!!!11! i tottalee luv him!!11 he es so0o0o hawtt! lol
**let me make it clear that it is nate, not me, who knows all the words to "where did johnny go (yearbook)"?

Cait* 6:40 PM link it! 0 comments