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about smartcookie

i write about what goes on in my life. i write about things i think are funny. i write nonsense. i write about bodily functions.

i have a boyfriend/husband named nathan who loves video games. we get along great. about 7% of the time. any percentage greater is purely a curious statistical anomaly.
aww i love nate!

and as our story progresses, you may wonder who i'm talking about.

aside from courageous nathan, our main characters include:
oh. and i teach dance and like accounting. the end.

people i read

oh joy
seth godin
not martha
ikea hacker
ad goodness
oh happy day
design sponge
steamy kitchen
a softer world
the superficial
go fug yourself
marmaduke explained

January 2006
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July 2012
counter statistics

Saturday, December 15, 2007
cat + laptop = disaster

so this is what happened... (if the cat could talk)

cat: what are you doing?
me: making some ornaments.
c: can i see?
m: no. get down. there's nothing to see.
c: i want to see.
m: no. get down.
c: i'm coming up there.
c: i just want help. the paper pieces look tasty.
m: no you don't. [picks cat up off the table and places her on the ground]
c: ok. i'll just sit on the chair and watch.
m: whatever.

[a few minutes go by. i get thirsty and get up to get a glass of water.]

c: i just thought you would prefer to have all the papers on the floor. and me on your laptop. IMing people on your buddy list you haven't talked to in years.
c: relax. i only sent the message "444444444444444aikkkkkkkkkkkkkkkcccc" to five people you haven't talked to since high school. not a big deal. i'm sure they read cat.

[i pick up the fifty small pieces that have fallen to the floor and sign off of instant messenger. cat watches from arm chair with a smug look on her face.]

fast forward to an hour later, ornaments complete.

c: what are you doing?
m: hanging ornaments on the fan. in the spirit of christmas.
c: they look like birds. they are invading our house. i must destroy them.
m: no. they are not related to you. they are decorative. look - they don't even move.
c: must. destroy. foreign. object.
m: get off the table.
c: need. to. be. closer. to. objects.
m: no, get down!
c: ugh, fine. iwilljustgetthemlater.
m: what?
c: nothing.

[cat retires to arm chair, never taking eyes off ornaments.]

fast forward to middle of night.

m: what the...?
c: oh it's you. can you help me? i can't reach the flying objects. stand closer so i can use you to jump off of.
m: my laptop!!!!
c: oh that?
m: what did you do?!
c: it was in the way. as was the glass of water you left on the table. both needed to be destroyed. you're welcome.
m: you are so dead.


so that is how my laptop met a glass of water and is now non-functional. which is why i haven't posted in so long. and why i have new earmuffs made of cat.

Cait* 6:48 PM link it! 1 comments